Ender meets Pokemon: XENOCIDE 2
by cat spasms
Summary: For those who know what the words 'Slapstick' 'Humor' and 'Joke' mean, read chapter 1. For those who need a dictionary for those words, and are extremely serious about Ender's game, and think jokes can't be made about it, read Chapter 2.
1. For those who know what the word 'Slapst...

ENDER's MEETS POKEMON!!! XENOCIDE 2!!!(for pokemon haters only)  
  
  
After Val and Miro left to search for a new planet where the humans, piggies, and buggers  
could live together as one nation, they stumbled upon a planet that contained many odd creatures.  
They were soooooooooooooooooo stupid looking, and sooooooooooooooooooooo stupid. After all, their  
heads didn't have a brain and they could only say one stupid word, which varied from creature  
to creature  
  
  
"GEEK-O-MON" said one stuuuuuupid creatrue who was big and fat, with it's.  
"YEASEjrishflhjs-mon"Said another dumb thing that had it's intestines falling out of its mouth  
  
  
"THESE CREATURES ARE STUUUPID AND ANNOYING!!!" Val yelled. "I SAY WE BLAST THEIR BRAINS OUT"  
  
"They don't have any brains."Said Miro.  
  
"They don't even meet the requirements of an ORGANISM!!!", Val yelled at a stupid creature!  
  
"This does look like a suitable planet. Lets tell Every1 back at home to come here."  
  
  
So they sent a message off by ansible...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
...They were never heard of or seen again!  
  
  
  
  
A few minutes later: Ender, Valentine, Quara, and Ela arrive @ This new planet!  
  
Ender:What are all these stupid things.  
  
Valentine: They look stupid.  
  
Ela:I'm not even sure if they can think. Let me run some tests on them..  
  
(Ela goes off)  
  
Quara: Where are Val and Miro?  
  
Valentine: Don't know. I'll go look for them.  
  
Ender: These things are stooopid and annoying. I think I should just start shooting them!  
  
Quara: Wait, how can we know whether or not we can communicate with them?  
  
Ender: Stoopid things are stoopid, stoopid things shall DIE!!  
  
Quara(Stands in front of a stupid-mon): NO I SHALL NOT LET YOU DO THIS  
  
  
  
...However, It was too late. If Quara hadn't stepped in from of the stoopid stupid-mon,  
Because at that moment, Ender pressed a button on the automatic-self-destructer-of-stupid-creatures weapon  
  
Ender: Its a good thing I brought this automatic-self-destructer-of-stupid-creatures weapon.  
  
Quara: YOU KILLED THEM!!!  
  
Ender: Well, It proves they are stupid  
  
(Ela returns)  
  
Ela: You used the automatic-self-destructer-of-stupid-creatures weapon?  
  
Ender: Yep!  
  
Ela: Guess that means they were stupid!  
  
(Valentine)  
  
Valentine:Hey, you guys, I found Val and Miro! This planet is perfect for the piggies, us humans, and the buggers...Come see  
what I mean!!!  
  
  
  
(...OK, I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID THEY WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN)  
  
  
Quara: We're coming!!!  
  
  
Finne!  
  
  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'D like to know how many ppl read my stories! 


	2. For those who don't like the first story...

A/N: Okay, due to the fact that half of the people don't want downright slapstick, I shall write a version that is not supposed to  
be funny, but serious drama, just for the people who don't know how to laugh. (And to Jake Dern, how would I know that Val and  
Miro were out searching for a new planet to live on if I hadn't read the books? How would I know what the heck an ansible was?  
How would I know of even some of the characters? Not all of them are mentioned on the back cover I'm fairly sure.) I have  
read the books, just YOU haven't read "Laughing for Dummies", which I suppose could be useful. To Pink Spider, no, my mommy   
was not reading it with silly voices. She wasn't even reading it to me. I read it myself, like any other book I've heard  
about since FIRST GRADE, (Which is a loooong ways into my past). Like I said, I have read Enders game, and I just  
couldn't help but make this SLAPSTICK about it. If I were 4 years old, I would be a fan of Pokemon probably, and obviously  
you can guess by the story that I DON'T!!! In addition to that, can you name a SLAPSTICK comedy that makes a great point that  
can change the way you look at life? NO!!! So why look for one if its a SLAPSTICK piece.  
  
Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. I'm sure you will enjoy it.  
*****************************************************************************************************************************  
  
The craft landed, as Miro and Val stepped off the ship.  
  
"What will this planet bring," Val sighed. She was beginning to suspect that there would never be a habitable planet in the  
universe for all 3 creatures: Buggers, Piggies/Recolada, and Humans. But that was their mission, so that was what they had  
to accomplish.  
  
"It seems like this planet already has living beings." Miro said.  
  
And he was right. It was inhabbited by tons of creatures referred to as Pokemon.  
  
"GEEEEEEEEEKKKKK-O-Monnnn" said one unintelligent creature, was big, fat, and lazy.  
  
"Talk about annoying." Val said. But she knew that she would have to put up with it while they were there. Complaining  
would not make the critters vanish.  
  
"It seems they don't have brains." Miro said.  
  
"Do they meet the requirements of an ORGANISM?" Val asked. She had already had it, with a Gigamon crawling onto her leg.  
What a creep, she thought.  
  
"But it does look like a suitable planet. I think we should contact Ender, Valentine, and the others that we have found a  
possible place."  
  
Val agreed, and so they sent off a message by ansible saying they had found a possible planet, gave its location, and asked  
for them to come as soon as possible, yet warned them of the strange, annoying creatures.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
They were never seen or heard of again.  
  
  
A few minutes later, a second ship landed. Off stepped Ela, Valentine, Quara, and Ender. They all weren't sure what to expect  
of the strange creatures they were warned of.  
  
Ender glanced around on the ground of the planet. There was an atmosphere, food, water, well weather, but certainly not  
enough space.  
  
"What are all these creatures?" Ender asked.  
  
"I don't know, but they don't look very bright. They seem to only be able to say their own name." Valentine said, studying them.  
  
"I'm not sure if they can think," Ela said, looking at them. She picked one up and began to study it.   
  
"They don't seem to have any space for a brain." Ela continued, "No reproductive system, Doesn't seem to have any sensory organs  
besides eyes, no digestive track, just a wind pipe. This is VERY VERY odd. I guess I'll go run some tests on them."  
  
"Where do you suppose those other two ran off to?" Valentine asked. Quara shrugged. "Who knows. It is a full entire planet."  
  
Valentine then did notice some footsteps. "Actually, I think I'll just follow these." she said. She began to see where  
they would lead to.  
  
Ender and Quara simply sat, waiting for either Valentine or Ela to return. However, Ender began to get extremely annoyed by  
the creatures, as Quara began to play with them. Ela finally returned.  
  
"I have computed they have no IQ at all."  
  
"Thats a surprise," Ender muttered.  
  
"But they are so cute!" Quara smiled. She began to play happily with them like a little girl.  
  
"She seems posessed." Ela commented.  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"Quara, stop playing with the creatures. We don't know what effects they can give yet."  
  
"But Ela, I'ma havin' some good fun."  
  
Ela's eyes widened.  
  
"They are making her become less intelligent. We have to stop these creatures." Ela said.  
  
"What, you want me to use the Automatic Self Destructer of Stupid Things?" Ender asked.  
  
"I'm afraid that is our only option." Ela said.  
  
"NO ITS NOT!!!" Quara said standing up, "ITS WRONG to kill kind things."  
  
Ender froze, but his thoughts didn't. He was afraid of commiting yet another Xenocide. He had almost wiped out the Buggers,  
and had always hated doing so. He couldn't do it again!!! But he had to, otherwise Quara would end up turning into an idiot,  
and before they knew it, they all would.  
  
Ender sighed, "Forgive me for doing this," he said, as he pulled the trigger on the Destructer.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Quara screamed, standing in front of a stupid-mon, but it was too late. Simultaneously, all the  
Pokemon exploded. Their parts flew threw the air and fell to the ground, like a bird who had just been shot for game. Quara  
began to cry. Some cells on her forehead had also exploded, as she had been somewhat infected. She only felt a headache.  
  
"How....could....you..." She said between tears. Ela and Ender carried her back onto the ship.  
  
"Well, we now have a nice planet to live on!" Ela said.  
  
"And you know what, I don't really feel bad about commiting that Xenocide." Ender said.  
  
"It wasn't really a Xenocide, since the creatures weren't alive. You shouldn't feel bad."  
  
Valentine then came rushing in, tears in her eyes.  
  
"Whats the matter!!!" Ender said immediatly.  
  
"DID YOU USE THE AUTOMATIC SELF DESTRUCTER OF STUPID THINGS?" Valentine asked.  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"Well, it has in fact killed ALL THE UNITELLIGENT THINGS ON THIS PLANET!!!" Valentine said with tears.  
  
Suddenly, it hit Ender what must have happened. "They had lost their IQ that fast!" he said.  
  
Valentine nodded. "I found them, all they could say was 'Hi' and 'I'm Val' or 'I'm Miro'. It was depressing, and then...then..  
THEY EXPLODED!!!!"  
  
Tears rolled down Ender's face, as a smile faded away.  
  
"They were such great people." Ender said.  
  
He began to feel disgusted with himself.  
  
"I don't feel like staying here any longer." Ender said, "We'll have to search for a new planet."  
  
So Quara and Ela returned to Lustania, while Ender and Valentine began the search for a habitable, unoccupied planet. For they  
learned an important message we can all use: Never hurt somebody, for it will hurt somebody else.  
  
******  
  
I hope you enjoyed this story. 


End file.
